Queen Kates

“She lacks the indefinable charm of weakness.” ~Oscar Wilde

ETS Misadventures August 9, 2006

Filed under: Wishful Thinking — porkie @ 7:50 pm

I spent much of yesterday proclaiming my decision to join the public transporation revolution. I spent some time researching my route over the long weekend, then chickened out Tuesday morning.

But this morning, I was determined. Armed with a toonie and a quarter, printed route instructions in hand, I made my way to the bus stop. Confidently, I deposited my change, grabbed my transfer, and settled in for a comfortable ride avec Mole.

The ride was without major incident. Even though I took a roundabout way to get to my second bus, in the bowels of downtown, I still managed to make it to work (relatively) on time. I arrived, flushed and triumphant. I animatedly recounted my adventures and felt proud of myself for being proactive in these times of ridiculous gas prices and aged SUVs that provide their owners with 6 miles to the gallon.

The ride home was a comedy of errors which drove home the horrible truth of “pubtran”. The truth that ETS hires Macewan PR grads to hide from the unsupsecting citizens of Edmonton was blazenly revealed.

First, I had to RUN after the bus that would supposedly return me to the welcoming arms of my neighbourhood. Did the bus driver stop? No, why would he? He was going to teach me a hard lesson in the ways of the autobus. After cleverly moving to Option 4 on my printout, I gauged that another bus was coming to my rescue not a minute later. This new exhaust-spewing hellmobile dumped me on the corner of a downtown corner rife with not only the inviting scent of cigarettes, but all of us loiterers had the privilege of being blown on by the Ricky’s Grill exhaust fan. Mmm, the hot, greasy air. Really added to the ambiance.

Soon, however, I longed for the potpourri of Ricky’s after being squashed between two equally strong smelling men (deodorant/cologne/B.O. combo) And why can’t a bus travel without lurching forward? And why is there no air conditioning? Any attempts by me to crack the windows was futile. I arrived home exhausted, stomach churning, with heat rash and a toe blister.

$300 a month on gas suddenly seems like a small price to pay.


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